The B-Zone is real.. and I feel like I was dropped on my head from 35,000 ft.
At Adventures in Missions, there’s something they like to call the B-Zone, also known as homesickness. The ‘I want to go home, back to the comfort of my own room, back to the so called normal yet comfortable life I was living with my family, going to gym, drinking coffee, eating Cracker Barrel once a week with my friends, receiving a paycheck every two weeks’ feelings and thoughts that cloud your mind.
I began this “B-Zone Battle” at the end of December. I had been away from home for three months and although I was excited to head out to Central America, I wanted to hop on a plane and go home. I wanted to go back to my comfortable life. But of course, that isn’t what happened.
Once we got to Gainesville, GA and prepared for international launch, thankfully my excitement came back. Then we got to work at YWAM in Guatemala City and I built friendships with some of the people there and I quickly adjusted and grew to be content with missing home but not wanting to go home.
Just as I was getting into a ministry schedule, two of my teammates started showing some symptoms of COVID.. Three days later, they tested positive. Which only means one thing: Q U A R A N T I N E .
As we waited for our squad leadership to communicate with leadership in Gainesville, we remained at our living quarters enjoying the sunshine, music, and tending to the needs of our two quarantined teammates who were set into an enclosed outside patio away from the rest of us. I personally wasn’t phased by the news. I’m an ‘act first, think & feel last’ kinda girl so I was just hanging out waiting for further instructions from leadership.
Once we got placed into our quarantine Airbnb, I was able to relax and enjoy reading Redeeming Love in the sunshine.
There’s a soccer court that has a beautiful view of the surrounding volcanoes where I’m able to workout each morning and watch the sunset each night.
There’s also wild flowers growing all around us that I take time picking when I can.
Quarantine isn’t so bad for a homebody like me!
But then it hit me again.. that familiar homesick feeling. Those ‘don’t you miss home?’ thoughts. At first, I agreed with them and didn’t bother fighting them. I do miss home. I do miss my friends. I do miss having income. I do miss my clean bed, my clean room, my clean space. It began a spiral of every emotion that stole my peace and joy from saying yes to the Lord to go on this race.
I wish I could say I fully snapped out of it. I wish I could write how I overcame this ‘B-Zone Battle’ and that I’m thriving here in Guatemala City… but I can’t. I’m still fighting it. It’s a day-by-day, moment-by-moment choice to not tap out and give up and it’s hard. But I will say, Jesus is constant and He’s constantly faithful.
Last Wednesday, I had a precious moment with Jesus in our little backyard area when He reminded me “You need to be uncomfortable for me to refine you properly and fully.. like you asked for. You want to be more like me don’t you? Keep running this race. Trust me.”
After hearing Him whisper that encouragement to me, I’ve been able to step out in front of those homesick spirals and let Him remind me why I’m here, why I said yes to this race, why I want to serve Him with this kind of obedience!
As uncomfortable as this race is, I still love it. I love Guatemala, I love the people we get to work with at YWAM, I love hanging out with my teammates & squad mates, and I love seeing more of the world through Jesus’ eyes.
Home might be yelling my name but my race isn’t over and Jesus isn’t finished refining me yet. He’s calling me deeper still.
I was able to watch my home church while in quarantine which reminded me of something my pastor shared a year ago. It was a word of encouragement he tells his kids, that is “persist & finish”.
I plan to do just that, persist and finish this race The Lord has called me to run until I can boldly and confidently say as Paul did in 2 Timothy 4, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have kept my faith.”
